{"id":28,"date":"2014-04-20T00:00:16","date_gmt":"2014-04-20T07:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.majorscorner.com\/?p=28"},"modified":"2026-03-07T18:12:51","modified_gmt":"2026-03-08T03:12:51","slug":"club-marital-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/?p=28","title":{"rendered":"Club Marital Advice.."},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Club Marital Advice..\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>The weeks seem to rip along at a frightening speed these days, faster than last year, I would say. Already we are staring at spring and its big brother summer beyond it.<\/p>\n<p>However my morning of Club Marital Advice on Wednesdays appears to slow time down a bit, as chaps use up a great deal trying to spit the problem out. Silences interlaced with heavy sighs accompanied by eye-rolling mark a mem down as someone bearing a heavy load.<\/p>\n<p>I refrain from the obvious \u201cCome along, now,\u201d as this freezes the slow minds of my nervous clientele. I take the well travelled option of examining my gleaming black oxfords until a gurgle or two announces the intention of the bug-eyed club member to begin.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEr,\u201d one recent supplicant, Sidney, began, \u201cI have suggested to my wife, that is I have requested softly to my turtle dove, that we try separate rooms for a while&#8230;.er.\u201d Sidney rested as would a puffer fish after a particularly harrowing day, gasping for the first martini.<\/p>\n<p>I have heard this chant before: that two bedrooms will solve the problem of one. In the case of brother Sidney that approach would not resolve two of the key problems of the long marriage: Neglect and slow burning embarrassment. I was not yet ready to rub salve into the gaping wound of the sagging partnership, so cocked an inviting eyebrow for him to continue.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI mean to say, the old girl is getting more needy as the days wane, what?\u201d he added. I nodded, knowing this chapter all too well. I chose not to skip to the last page but rather, as part of the cure, to let the fellow stumble on his own to the proper conclusion.<\/p>\n<p>After a few more like-minded outbursts, I had the whole story, which as I thought, involved a chap stuck halfway up the hill at the point of no return.<\/p>\n<p>It would seem that Sidney and Myrtle (I have changed their names from Godfrey and Betty to protect the participants) had a wonderful marriage. After producing the usual three ungrateful children they had settled down to a twosome lifestyle that was both full and meaningful.<\/p>\n<p>But as the years passed, a sleeping serpent in their perfect garden had awoken, producing a new and terrifying Myrtle who now wanted more. Whenever Sidney kissed her goodnight with a slight squeeze, as was his norm, she made it pretty clear that she wanted the \u201cFull Business,\u201d as he described it, and she was not to be fobbed off with a cheap hug.<\/p>\n<p>Well, as we men know, the FB is but a distant memory except after any movie starring Lana Turner. Participation in such a frightful activity at our age could bring on \u201cthe Big One\u201d (heart attack).<\/p>\n<p>This subject once arose on my and Kitty\u2019s horizon. It still sends a shiver down my spine when I recall it. I found myself being gripped by my frenzied wife at all hours, with her wearing that horrifying \u201ccome with me\u201d look. I hid with an aspidistra plant in the closet as she shouted my name in threatening tones while roaming the house.<\/p>\n<p>I believe these things are sent to try us, like the boils of Job in the Bible, a test of one\u2019s character out of the blue. I fought this apparition by pretending to be in the throes of St. Vitus\u2019s Dance and then praying fervently on our roof as a mid -level prophet might do.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually my wife\u2019s overheated whims passed into the ether and we began to share our lives again, although a sense of mistrust was never far away, as if we cleared the hurdle but not without barking our shins in the process.<\/p>\n<p>It is the price of a long marriage.<\/p>\n<p>The very memory sent a spasm through my tummy, but I showed no emotion.<\/p>\n<p>A murmur of thanks escaped Sidney\u2019s lips. He floated away with hope in his eyes.<\/p>\n<p>Copyright 2014 Major\u2019s Corner<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.majorscorner.com\/\">www.majorscorner.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Club Marital Advice..\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>The weeks seem to rip along at a frightening speed these days, faster than last year, I would say. Already we are staring at spring and its big brother summer beyond it. However my morning of Club Marital Advice on Wednesdays appears to slow time down a bit, as chaps use up a great deal [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-majors-corner"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions\/29"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=28"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=28"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}