{"id":401,"date":"2014-09-07T09:45:32","date_gmt":"2014-09-07T16:45:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.majorscorner.com\/?p=401"},"modified":"2026-03-07T18:12:51","modified_gmt":"2026-03-08T03:12:51","slug":"sundaycolumn-humour-wheeloflifecruelnature-majorscorner-sept7-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/?p=401","title":{"rendered":"#SundayColumn #Humour #WheelOfLife#CruelNature #MajorsCorner  Sept7 2014"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"#SundayColumn #Humour #WheelOfLife#CruelNature #MajorsCorner  Sept7 2014\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Marriage, cruel Nature and the \u2018wheel of life\u2019<br \/>\nI was looking forward to my Wednesday queue at the club last week; I take great satisfaction in thinking I have aided more than a few mems to navigate their passage through the treacherous coral reefs of marriage.<br \/>\nEver since I started my mid-week matrimonial \u201cAgony Aunt\u201d sessions at 10 bells sharp, I have heard things that might raise eyebrows amongst a coterie of Vatican cardinals. However I have never been judgmental, outside of perhaps a bit of shocked blinking on my part, and therefore my little get-togethers are well-attended.<br \/>\nUnfortunately the first chap up was our very own Brigadier, and a more boring man to listen to would be hard to imagine. He is a man obsessed with the fact that his still-fresh marriage to the much younger Constance had resulted, after a honeymoon said to have included several medical emergencies, with her throwing out his multitudinous salt-and- pepper-shaker collection.<br \/>\nHe opened with: \u201cShe is at it again, by God!\u201d<br \/>\nThe Brigadier apparently had managed to hide a few dozen shakers, but they had been found. My mind began to wander in a natural attempt to prevent it from becoming numb, and my searching eyes fell upon a painting on the far wall of lions following a herd. This reminded me of my courting days so long ago, when I was paying panting attention to one Cecelia \u201cSissy\u201d Cistern.<br \/>\nWhen I would arrive at the Cistern house to take Sissy to dinner in my chugging Austin, the entire family would be sitting with their TV trays and their TV dinners (Salisbury steak and unnaturally coloured peas) watching Mutual of Omaha\u2019s animal slaughter. I was made to stand, my eyes averted with the dog sniffing my trousers suspiciously, while the bug-eyed family watched as one of the hosts describe in hideous detail a zebra baby dragged away by a lioness. They watched in rapture as the sound of crunching bones filled the air with the awful narrator talking about \u201cthe wheel of life.\u201d I ran to the WC in distress, followed by the wretched dog.<br \/>\nWhen I returned, somewhat dizzy, with the damned dog sniffing me more enthusiastically, Mr. Cistern wondered if I was the sort of boy his daughter should be with, for it was apparent I did not believe in the wheel of life. The dog now had its snout firmly in my groin. The younger sister, a real blister, I can tell you, opined that Wolf the dog did not appear to trust me.<br \/>\nThe room was once again assaulted by the grunting noise of a crocodile pulling a small screaming wildebeest into a murky swamp. More bones cracking. More \u201cwheel of life.\u201d I tore for the bathroom, once again chased by the blasted dog.<br \/>\nI returned with the drooling Wolf to a very skeptical audience. I gathered my name and reputation had been dragged through the mud like the baby baboon they were watching struggle. To top it off, the dog was attempting to demonstrate its distrust by wetting my grey flannel trouser cuffs. It was all too much for me, so I legged it to my little car surrounded by shouts of \u201cthe wheel of life\u201d and chased by the appalling dog.<br \/>\nI sat in my auto as the dog flung himself against the car door and murderous family faces filled the bay window and wondered if I would ever meet someone who just liked me for me.<br \/>\nI never did. Instead I met Kitty and live in a comfortable state of truce. But at least I don\u2019t have to watch the butchery of small animals with the sound turned up to a dreadful level, nor eat TV dinners.<br \/>\nThe Brigadier was still droning on about his mismatched salt shakers and their reduced value, which his current wife cannot seem to grasp. When he took his breath I shouted:<br \/>\n\u201cNext!\u201d and ordered a well-deserved martini.<\/p>\n<p>Copyright The Major\u2019s Corner 2014<br \/>\ntwitter TheYYJMajor<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"#SundayColumn #Humour #WheelOfLife#CruelNature #MajorsCorner  Sept7 2014\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Marriage, cruel Nature and the \u2018wheel of life\u2019 I was looking forward to my Wednesday queue at the club last week; I take great satisfaction in thinking I have aided more than a few mems to navigate their passage through the treacherous coral reefs of marriage. Ever since I started my mid-week matrimonial \u201cAgony Aunt\u201d [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-401","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-majors-corner"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/401","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=401"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/401\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":404,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/401\/revisions\/404"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=401"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=401"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=401"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}