{"id":737,"date":"2016-01-31T07:38:10","date_gmt":"2016-01-31T15:38:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.majorscorner.com\/?p=737"},"modified":"2026-03-07T18:12:50","modified_gmt":"2026-03-08T03:12:50","slug":"majorscorner-puerto-vallarta-cats-and-planes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/?p=737","title":{"rendered":"#MajorsCorner    Puerto Vallarta, cats and planes"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"#MajorsCorner    Puerto Vallarta, cats and planes\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Once again my darling wife Kitty and I have made the yearly trip to our Mexican winter paradise of Puerto Vallarta. We dream about this moment all year and are never disappointed. The warm brown arms of Mexico envelop us into our tropical Valhalla.<!--more--><br \/>\nOf course in every garden of Eden there must dwell a serpent, or in our case, serpents. My wife cannot bring herself to abandon her frightful cats Pericles and Bertram, and so there they sat between her legs on the floor in the latest \u201cBitty-Kitty\u201d cat carrier. When we took off after the usual WestJet blather (\u201cLet\u2019s all wave to Sarah in the back of the plane,\u201d etc.) there were a few screams and burps from the noisome twosome but after that and some terrible odours that did not go unnoticed by our fellow passengers, they appeared to settle down.<br \/>\nThat is until we hit a rough patch over Utah, I think, when the Bitty-Kitty satchel rose into the air as the plane suddenly dropped. Pericles took tremendous exception to that and clawed Bertram\u2019s nose in fear. Then apparently Bertram retaliated by saying something in cat talk along the lines of Pericles putting on a few extra pounds lately, and the fight was on.<br \/>\nNow I am not sure if you have been near a cat fight in a Bitty-Kitty cat carrier, but it is not something one can ignore. Until that moment, the trapped audience had focused their dislike upon a blotchy child who kept removing the wig of the poor man in front of him and kicking backs of seats indiscriminately.<br \/>\nBut now the focus became the whirlwind on the floor beneath our seats, which seemed to be reaching a climax of some sort.<br \/>\nSuddenly nothing \u2013 all quiet. Then the most ghastly smell rose from the exhausted bag. It was as if a tar pit of huge proportions had just belched up a 10-millennia-old carcass that now lay on the floor of the airplane packed with formerly happy travellers.<br \/>\nThe man across from us with a handkerchief over his nose shouted, \u201cNow look here\u201d before sinking to his knees and closing his eyes, our first victim. The awful child cried, \u201cPooh-tinky\u2026Very bad!\u201d and then went to sleep.<br \/>\nFor a moment or two I thought the pilot was going to make an emergency landing because his ship required a serious fumigation. However the atmosphere began to clear gradually and outside of many harsh looks and a few \u201cI says,\u201d the trip returned to normal and the cats resumed their nap.<br \/>\nOne of the things one notices on these flights is that many Canadians are going for repairs in the tropics. There were several conversations going on around us on this very subject, and no sparing of the details either.<br \/>\nIt is a shame that, unlike television, no person in authority at WestJet warns you of possible \u201cdisturbing images\u201d during the flight. A woman across from us pulled down her elastic trousers to show us her two year old operation scar delivered by someone called Dr. \u201cOne-Hour\u201d Garcia. The delighted patient claimed the doctor could operate on anyone with anything all in one hour and have him back in the bar for the inevitable \u201chappy hour,\u201d perhaps a little groggy, she allowed, but there nonetheless. She was now looking forward to yet another op from old Speedy Garcia.<br \/>\nIt just got worse after that when the lame and loose-bowled patients recognized a sympathetic couple such as Kitty and me. There was no stopping them.<br \/>\nA chap wandered over to our aisle to show us his new bridgework. He simply pulled it out of his mouth and said,\u201cZzxtrkkkl wethju oiurfv gbhxxce?\u201d which I think meant something along the lines of \u201cIt\u2019s a great work of art.\u201d He had just eaten a ham sandwich by the way. Horrible.<br \/>\nKitty started to shout at them, which woke Bertram, who then let go a long tug boat sound that again filled the cabin with an indescribable effluvium. This at least had the effect of dispersing the crowd, except for a man wanting to show us some sort of bag that ran down his leg. It was transparent and disgusting.<br \/>\nWe landed soon after and because of the pungency emanating from the Bitty-Kitty carrier bag, we were expressed through immigration and customs as if on a moving sidewalk. The gagging crowd rapidly parted as I dragged the effervescent and sulphurous cat bag towards the glass doors. The taxi drivers drew lots to see who would drive us and then take their car off the road. The cats were tired of the bag and began to complain. I wanted to drop them off a bridge, thus solving several problems, but Kitty was adamant that we take them to the condo. I was only kidding of course\u2026.still.<br \/>\nWe are here and happily tucked up. But not before I flung one of my well-known censorious looks at the appalling cats. And I meant it too.<br \/>\nCopyright Christopher Dalton 2015<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"#MajorsCorner    Puerto Vallarta, cats and planes\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Once again my darling wife Kitty and I have made the yearly trip to our Mexican winter paradise of Puerto Vallarta. We dream about this moment all year and are never disappointed. The warm brown arms of Mexico envelop us into our tropical Valhalla.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-under-the-palapa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=737"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":739,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions\/739"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/majorscorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}